An Alarm Bell for parents

By Seerat Nargis Dar

If producing kids is the only qualification to be a parent, then animals are greater parents than human beings. In fact, parenting means to feed, protect, shelter, love and most importantly to educate the little ones unconditionally. How many modern parents care to do that?
When we are young, we have fewer responsibilities. As we grow up, our responsibilities multiply. We need more money, fame, name, social status yada yadayada. Marriage was never an easy thing, so, how can producing kids be treated easy. All couples who marry for the pleasure of nights must not be allowed to marry because their pleasure of a single night will grant a life of pain to an innocent child. Think before producing kids because it is a big responsibility, rather the biggest responsibility. Life is very easy with fewer responsibilities. Desire is something which will lead you to destruction if not hold in check. I am not against traditions and customs; do what you want to do but please think before doing it, lest you should fill someone’s life with tears for the sake of your temporary joys .
When you become a parent, it is your responsibility to look after your kids. You have to give them your love unconditionally, not your outdated thoughts and rotten manners . My Parents always keep telling me to speak the truth, but they rarely have the time to listen to my truth . They gossip . They watch Tv . They use foul language . They torture me unnecessarily . They’ smoke . They mistreat me . They also discriminate between me and my siblings . On the top of it , they want me to stop my education and serve them like they are Mughal kings . A Parent is not someone who always has to order . A kind parent is the one who has patience to listen to his kids suffering from dozens of physical and psychological problems bestowed upon them by the insensitive modern times . I am observing people around me from a long time, what I found is that almost all kids are running from their insensitive and narrow-minded parents. Why? Are not parents obliged to give love, money and time? Why are modern children afraid to share their problems with their own DNA? Are parents some devils who will eat their kids up if the latter will talk to them honestly or express their feelings innocently? Why are children able to have thousands of friends outside their homes but the same children are rude to their parents at home? What is the role of a parent in a child’s life? Certainly not to stop a child to follow his/her dreams and goals. Most of the people fail to achieve their goals because their families interfere unnecessarily. Parents always want that their kids should be on top why? Is it a problem to be oneself? Why we have to do what other kids are good at? If Sachin Tendulkar had been told by his parents to be like Amitabh Bachchan , think what would have happened ? If a fish is asked to fly like a sparrow , imagine the consequences ?
From the day one, a kid is told ‘if you make your clothes dirty, we will beat you. Don’t do this, don’t do that? Don’t. ‘Come on Dumbos , if they will not experience the things how can they learn the difference between the right and the wrong ? How parents learnt? You ask your parents how did they learn? They will never tell you that their parents stifled them. On the contrary they will admit that they were allowed to face problems and they learnt to solve problems. If I am allowed to face a problem , I will also find its solution , sooner or later . I am a human being too . I am not unlike other human beings . If parents themselves can learn why do they start teaching their children in Hitler style ? I believe the things we are stopped from , are the things we grow up to love most . As the saying goes , ‘ curiosity kills the cat ‘. After becoming a parent , never think your child is your slave . If you think so , you are destroying your relationship with your kid. Consequently, you will lose the child .
Nowadays kids prefer to talk to strangers in person or on the social media whenever and wherever they get a chance . Parents create unnecessary gaps between themselves and their children. Who among the parents tell their kids from the very childhood that ‘if you have some problem do tell us ‘? Some parents do listen the first time, make fun of the feelings of the child next time and then keep ignoring or abusing him/her .
Kid : Mom , I have a problem. Please listen to me .
Mother : Do tell your father when he will come home at evening?
Father: (At evening) I am tired from work, I will listen to you tomorrow.
[ And that tomorrow never comes. ]
Nowadays depression rate is so high in the world, most common in the children of age 12 or more . Do you know what is the main reason of it ? parents . Because , they never give due attention to their kids. Every problem starts at home. We are social beings and we all need a friend to talk with ? Do you know why modern kids prefer to have girlfriends or boyfriends? Because , they feel alone at their own homes . Children who are not loved at home , go outside to find love . My parents discourage me often by asking me about my achievements in life . I have passed the class 12th board exams and I study medical subjects at college . My parents have never been to schools . Their only achievement is smoking tobacco and bullying me . They fail to understand that below average kids study arts , average kids study commerce and brilliant kids have guts to study medical in the valley of Kashmir . Almost 70% parents don’t know what their kids are good at . They never care to learn . They never visit the schools and colleges of their kids to know about their performance . Almost all young kids suffer at the hands of elders . Once the same kids become parents , they forget their own childhood and start torturing their own kids . I wonder Why every Bahu turns into a cruel saas ?
One more problem, there are almost 90% parents who fight everyday on silly things forgetting that they children are around. I know a lot of children who are very delighted in the company of teachers because they are good at studies . Unfortunately , they lose interest in their studies due to their unfriendly family environment.
They always face a rough ride at home . Such kids don’t like to talk to any of their parents. They hate their homes. They never want any friend should come to their homes .
We live in this world for happiness and comfort . When your kid hates you and goes to seek happiness outside the home , that is the time , you should realise that you haved failed as parents .
Let your kids do what they want . Let them play . Let them study . Let them talk . Let them grow with freedom . Trust them . Don’t make their life hell . Don’t push them to commit suicide . If you can not do this , take a knife and cut their throats and thus set them free for ever . But , please , don’t force them to die daily . Be parents in the real sense of the word . Else , murder those who want to grow on their own terms and according to their own ways .
Parents should be like our close friends. We should not even feel shy to share our worst things with them. We all are born with different talents , what we need is to express them. This is impossible without the support of the parents . If parents let you do what ever you want to do, and support you when you need them most , life becomes easy . When Your kid wants to do boxing , let her do it . when she comes home with the broken hand , don’t rebuke her . Appreciate her . Help her heal fast and send her back to the ring to became a boxer . Let her chase her dream . If she does not become a champion , at least she will worship and love you for supporting her to chase her dream . She will not feel ignored and marginalized at her own home .
No work is small . If your daughter wants to become a designer , let her . It should not matter if she will be the first one in your family to do it. Don’t make her life hell by asking her to do something else. Perhaps she will earn a lot of money by doing the thing you choose for her but she will always be wailing whenever she will be all alone ,” I wish I had obtained my dream ! “. And this regret will distance her socially and emotionally from you .
Never compare your kids with others because it kills them internally . Making Comparisons must be legally banned . It is the main factor of suicides and depression among the youth . Some are good at one thing and some are good at other thing . All can not become doctors. Some have to become engineers . Some have to become pilots . Some teachers . Some lawyers . Some writers . Etc .
Most parents think giving money to their kids is the only duty they have . Do these parents ever ask their kids what they do with that money ? Communication , daily communication with kids is more important than anything else which modern parents must do . It is an injustice to allow people to marry and produce kids just because they can . The people should be asked to pass a screening test before granting them certificates to marry and have kids . There is a huge percentage of kids who do not suffer at the hands of strangers but at the hands of their closet relatives called ‘ parents ‘ .
List of the most painful things for your children :
*Comparing your kids with others , even with their own siblings .
*Thinking that the children need only your money not your love.
*Making them feel that they are good for nothing.
*Fighting in front of them specially when they come from schools and colleges tired and fatigued.
To conclude , Children know their capabilities. Parents must not worry about the choices children make . Let the children fly . Never make your child feel so much alone that he/she will prefer death to a suffocated life . For parents, happiness of their children should be more important than money , fame , respect , careers , religion and all. Let them live with freedom or never let them take birth . Don’t force children to complete the dreams of their failed parents because the children have their own dreams which they wish to fulfil .