“OUR IDEAL SYSTEM OF SIMPLE NIKAH”
By Mehnaz Shafi
Over Hype of simple Nikah alias khawa nikah seems unstoppable. People on social media keep posting pictures of the protagonist of Simple Nikah, followed by praises showered by neitizens in the form likes and comments on social media platforms. Fair enough! You know bride remains anonymous, as usual, she deserves to be kept under secrecy.
Since, Nikah in islam is an integral part and blessing for every believer. Prophet (p.b.u.h) instructed to be steady fast in nikah and perform it with utmost simplicity. That’s what many men are trying to do and simultaneously inspire others while posting pictures on social media.
Prophet Mohammad (p.b.u.h) calls it a great act of charity which should be performed on regular basis.
As quoted “Give charity in such an esteemed way that, if you donate the charity with right hand, your left hand should be unaware about this”It was meant to encourage people to show discretion and maintain secrecy while performing a good deed. Henceforth Nikha with simplicity is one such a good deed. I fail to understand, where does this publicity of so called “Simple Nikha” fits in?
Is simple Nikah really Simple or mere an eyewash?
You see a kind of marriage culture, bridegroom travel to the wedding venue / brides place, accompanied by few family members, friends & cleric. After Nikah ceremony, instead of Lavish, wazwan, they are served with big multi colour boxes which approximately costs around (1000-2000) depending upon the quality and brands of eatable varieties. It’s dead hard to finish the dry fruits, sweets, juice, adorned and covered the beautiful boxes. Bridegroom and his accompanies happily carry the boxes with them at the end. Next, comes ‘kehwa Nikah or Khizr Khandar’ which is prepared with utmost care and precaution added with costly herbs. Kehawa is served with the most expensive pastries available in the market sometimes customized as well. I call them mini cakes. Lavish wazwan and apple rice is strictly prohibited on this particular day. I hope you remember it being called simple Nikah!
Moving our cultural and traditional eyes towards other side of the ‘Simple Nikah. Oh yes! Is simple Nikah really helping us and how? Todays, simple Nikah starts with engagement. What type of lavish feast is served to prospective grooms immediate and extended family? What about ‘Kokar Majmei’ carried with them. OH! Is that part of this simple Nikah?
What about mummy ji’s papa ji’s, didiji’s, in between visits. How many ‘Koermael/ father of bride, dare to serve ‘Kehwa or Nun chai’. And if they do, how many people resist taunting girl and her family?
This shall not end here at all. What about post wedding ceremonies? Fir saal, sateim, Fir khabar.
How many of you call that off and post pictures on Facebook? You claim as ‘say no to gold policy’. Yet you take it in the pretext. They are giving gold to their daughters. Not us. How many among you return that gold? What about the gold which bride gives to your mother, sister, massi? How many of you return back?
How about the gifts bride carries and your mother happily distributes among your immediate and extended family members? No ways! Did you think and confirm anytime, how costly those gifts are? I see all are falling dumb. Lots of things yet to come. What happens to the samovar, copper butter box, and other maple inscribed copper utensils which bride carries for each member of the family. How many of you give a damn? And pretending of the prices. Is that vacuum cleaner, iron & ironing table, dinner sets and all? Are you there to damn it out?
Oh my god! Eid has come and (Koermoel) has to arrange Eid saal for the family members of groom. Haven’t seen such things being cancelled. Another episode of “PEAV” after child birth?
Does your family come and just give your greetings and blessings. Are you being served lavish wazwaan with an appropriate rista size or not?
What about your frequent visits. Do you prefer chicken legs or mutton balls in addition with nun chai and bakery? Is that simple too? What about the Mehr which is girl’s right to spend for her? How many women invest in their own business or decide themselves. I forgot that’s the investment for the future house or savior for your (bridegroom) already collapsed business.
What about the earning of working women? Does simple nikah emphasizes upon marrying only working women? Can anybody make me understand? What this simple Nikah is in reality?
Thus list is unending. We need to follow Islamic teachings for real during the above mentioned situations. Let’s start from right now. Ask yourself and I ask myself. What’s simple Nikah? Really Simplifying things? How is it helping bride and her family?
Kindly introspect for a while?
Dear men, the truth is that, most of the women in Kashmir are unhappy with their marriages and husbands. Doing simple Nikah is no big deal, making her life less complex and easy is really what makes more sense? It is better to focus on simple living rather than simple nikah.
Kindly discover the ways, through which you can make your wife’s life easier & happier. You’ll definitely be a hero in true sense, Apart from the social media world.
Research Scholar University of
School of Education and Behavioral science